Saturday, December 1, 2012

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Now here is one ballsy elf. This is my buddy Cosmo who is living with a family in Sacramento, California. Talk about being hard core, he is hitting the hooch BEFORE flying back to the North Pole tonight. We are of the same mind when it comes to having to deal with the boss. I think I will ask him if he is up for a little Krampusnacht action this year. It has been a few years since I last ran with the Krampus. (I actually have a little Krampus blood in me. It was many many years ago when my great grandma Twinkle got a little bit freaky with one of the hairy demons after indulging in the schnapps that flows that night). How can he refuse? It is my birthday that night after all. 
I warned him not to have too much run before he left and that I'd cut him if we had to sit through another seminar on the dangers of alcohol, and how it is not elf-like blah blah blah. I also reminded him of another friend BB. Well he is BB to our little circle of friends. BB stands for Blue Balls, and not the  good kind. Well that kind is really not so good either. What I am talking about is actual BLUE balls. He was having a rough day, the kids were being brats, the dog used him as a chew toy. He downed 8 ounces of some Wild Turkey before he left for our nightly check in. Took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and somehow managed to end up in the Lapland region of Finland. (I think he got confused because the area hosts their own version of Santa's Village. It is a much nicer place if you ask me, and they don't bitch about the heating bill from your room. Yes Santa charges us rent and utilities, while paying us slave wages. I think the people who work at Wal *Mart get  paid more than we do.) Anyways back to my story BB is in Rovaniemi and has passed out drunk on top of one of the reindeer stables.There was a snowfall and well when he woke up sometime the next afternoon he was almost frozen solid and his nuts were literally blue. Like two tiny shriveled up blueberries. I still laugh when I think about that.I hope that Cosmo will still be in a drinking mood after our nightly check in. I could sure use some fun tonight. I mean it is Saturday night and I want to get my freak on. Cosmo knows where the fun is at. Lucky bastard gets assigned to California how the hell did I end up in Buffalo?  

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